There were those who empathised with my need to have my questions answered, yet still advised me to block him and move on. However, there were others who, like myself, believed that talking things through could help me heal.
Relationship therapist Stephanie Ambrosius sits in the latter camp. Anything like a break-up or a redundancy or a bereavement can start that process because we plan so much. We think we know where we stand in our narrative but as soon as it changes, it throws us off balance. Ambrosius recommends speaking face-to-face unless the relationship has been violent or toxic. Of course, there are also cons to seeking answers from an ex — and they are worth considering before you reach out.
The benefits of seeking closure include helping the person who has been left understand what might have happened, as well as improving their future relationships and and their understanding of themselves.
Usually when a breakup occurs, there was a breakdown in communication in the first place. It can be healthy to apologize and admit your mistakes. This can make it easier for them to process things, forgive themselves if need be, and move on.
Again, though, helping them heal has to be your only motive with this. Sometimes when someone breaks up with us, we automatically blame ourselves. People sometimes leave others out of selfishness and malice. You want to avoid the same mistakes you made and become a stronger future partner. That ensures they provide real, meaningful advice to support you. And even despite all that, you still have to remain open-minded, yet skeptical.
The advice you receive may be coming from a place of pain and therefore a skewed perspective. These are the discussions you should have post-breakup, if possible.
The primary focus should be to help both of you come out better. Ending on good terms showcases your maturity. Then if your ex recognizes your value in the future or realizes they made a mistake, you can consider giving things a try again.
Giving yourself time to grieve and reflect is closure. Spending time with good people is closure. Taking care of yourself is closure. Looking ahead and being open to new connections is closure. Unless your ex was abusive, disrespectful, or truly fucked you over — letting them go and working towards being happy for them is closure. Contact Resources Media About Home. Stop Missing Dating Opportunities. Learn More!
Kiss her with confidence. Load More Either way, at some point or another, our minds tend to wander back. And while we may see no harm in it, this narrative only prolongs our healing because it places the responsibility of closure onto our exes, giving them an invisible authority over how and when we get to move on. And while we like to think closure will come with answers, closure actually has more to do with our acceptance of the situation than it does with the reasons behind it.
Because even if you did have one last conversation with your ex and you received all the answers you thought you needed, it would still be up to you to accept those answers and decide to move forward.
Admittedly, there are still days where I find myself wishing I could have one last conversation with my ex as well. When I start to obsess over the answers I want but will never get, I force myself to focus on the answers that I need— the answers that will ultimately bring me closure. Maybe it was scheduling, maybe it was timing, maybe it was infidelity or boredom or whatever. But the ending of a relationship often has more to do with the simple fact that two people did not complement each other in the way they initially thought they would.
Closure comes when you can start to accept that there is nothing you could have done to make someone love you more or love you less.
But I hope you can find some peace in knowing that you are in charge of how, when, and why you move on. Hi, I'm Ariana. I was born and raised in Southern California and spent 4 years in Vermont for college.
After spending my first 2 post-grad years working in marketing, I still have no idea what I want to do with my life.
I am a strong advocate for black coffee, breakfast for dinner and traveling any chance I get. So you've realized just how difficult your 20s are. Well, you've come to the right place! Let's figure this whole life thing out together.
Your email address will not be published. I tried to have a closure talk with my ex-boyfriend. While we were together, near the end of our relationship, I know he was cheating on me. When he wanted to end it, I know it is because he wanted to start seeing the girl that he was cheating on me with. I told him that we should have a closure talk. From the beginning to the middle of the talk, I knew he was lying to me from what he said and the answers to my questions.
I knew he was lying and I did not want to hear anymore of his lies. I did not get any closure from that relationship because he did not have the guts and maturity to tell me the truth.
Guys like just do not want to take responsibility for their actions.
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